That Age Old Question
by Contraltissimo
Summary: A chicken crosses a road. Why? Well....I guess that depends on who you ask. Spot the obscure movie reference and you get bonus points!


Apparently, the asterisks are not working, so I've used parentheses as a quick-fix. I know it's not the same, but whaddayado? Sorry!

I was really bored, and I needed some kind of happy-go-skippy break from the tragedy I'm currently writing. That's where this little project came from. The beginning snippet of self-insertion plot is for loophole purposes only. So why _did_ the chicken cross the road? Let's see what the cast of Tales had to say...

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

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_One day I was playing Tales of Symphonia when I was suddenly sucked through the screen and into the game! All the characters were very confused at my appearance. But I didn't want them to pursue the matter of my arrival, so I distracted them with the only question I could think of: _

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

_And these were the answers they gave me: _

ALTESSA: I can't answer your questions. Go away.

ASKA: ...SKRREEEEEE! (eats the chicken)

BOTTA: I think it would be in both our interests if we did not discuss the chicken here.

CELSIUS: No doubt it was migrating to avoid the frost. Typical avian. (freezes the chicken)

CHOCOLAT: The same reason anybody does anything: Grudges.

CLARA: ... ... (maims the chicken and runs)

COLETTE BRUNEL: A chicken? How cute! I'm going to name it Belina.

CORRINE: Let me scout ahead and find out!

DIRK: It doesn't matter. And I doubt it concerns you, so you'd best just keep your nose out of it!

DORR: It was only doing what it thought was right.

EFREET: It was probably migratory. Avoiding the heat, perhaps? How typical. (charbroils the chicken)

FAIRESS: Like, I dunno!

FORCYSTUS: If the crossing was caught by the surveillance system, my men can analyze the data for you.

FORTUNE TELLER: It's a little hazy...let me see...ah, it was going in search of its soulmate.

FRANK BRUNEL: I don't know, but if it ever needs healing, I'd be happy to help.

GENIS SAGE: It could have been searching for food, or maybe avoiding a predator. Whatever the reason, just don't let Raine be the one to cook it! I'll handle it.

GNOME: Don't you know that eggs are poison? Hello.

KATE: Because it could! Isn't that _worth_ something? Doesn't that merit _approval?_

KATZ: Meow! We can find the answer...for a price!

KILIA: Um... It was...going out to play? (shifty eyes)

KING: I don't know, and I don't care. Off with its head, and bring me some soup. I feel horrible.

KRATOS AURION: To get to the other side, I would assume.

KUCHINAWA: Running only implies guilt! (pursues the chicken)

KVAR: What does it matter? Chickens are inferior beings.

LLOYD IRVING: ...Is this leading up to another Dwarven Vow?

LUNA: Where is Aska? I cannot address this concern without him.

MAGNIUS: Because chickens are a bunch of _stupid vermin!_

MARBLE: It didn't want to waste the good fortune of being able to move about as it pleased.

MARTEL: ...zzzzzz...

MITHOS: All it wanted was an escape from the cruelty of its world.

NEIL: Why don't _you_ go on ahead and find out? I'll keep an eye on things here.

NOISHE: (whine) (backs away from the chicken...)

NOVA: Well let's look at the facts... The chicken, or rather, the _Gallus_ _gallus_ _domesticus_, is a common yard-fowl, and the bird in question was probably domestic. The presence of a road suggests that the crossing may have occurred near at least a fairly populated area...

ORIGIN: You summoned the almighty Origin to talk about _chickens?_

OROCHI: Does it matter? What's done is done, and all we can do is keep moving forward and try to do the right thing.

PHAIDRA: Chickens have always crossed roads. That is simply the way the world works.

PIETRO: Cross...chicken...project...must... (passes out)

POPE: Chickens are selectively bred for better meat. And apparently every creature with selective breeding in its background always thinks it's better than everyone else and can do whatever it wants instead of staying in its place!

PRESEA COMBATIR: The chicken is not relevant to our current situation.

PRONYMA: Why are you addressing me with this? I have underlings for a reason. Speak to them.

RAINE SAGE: I'll have to conduct further research on the subject before I find the answer.

REGAL BRYANT: The chicken was beyond redemption. Only the unrelenting traffic would sate its lust for punishment.

REMIEL: We of Cruxis are unconcerned with the activities of chickens.

RODYLE: That's not for you to know...Mweh-heh-heh-heh-heh!

SELES: Because getting out and traveling around beats staying indoors any day of the week.

SEPHIE: Because it couldn't fly over instead, the poor creature...

SHADOW: ...DEATH...

SHEENA FUJIBAYASHI: All the other chickens were counting on it; it couldn't fail now...

SWORD DANCER: ...chIcKEn...NOt woRThy Of...mY StrENgTH...

TABATHA: I WILL ASK ... THE MASTER.

UNDINE: Ask Gnome. I deal in rivers, not roads.

VIDARR: It was fleeing in terror--from _me!_

VOLT: ...BZZZT! (flash-fries the chicken)

WONDER CHEF: Whoever ordered it must have lived _across the road_ from their local butcher!

YGGDRASILL: It was the only way. By crossing this Rubicon of asphalt, the chicken was finally able to reach the shining new world on the far side, and find its glorious future, its ultimate destiny...

YUAN: I'm afraid I don't see the need to worry about miserable little creatures like chickens.

YUTIS: Who cares? (snipes the chicken)

ZELOS WILDER: To meet up with the dead-sexy rooster on the other side.


End file.
